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Nov 28, 2005
the what's up Thanksgiving=awesome My nephew=rocks My knee= hurts (things are popping back into place, which is good, but painful) School=crunch time Work=I'm not very good at it Ministry Search=is on. UK basketball=raw but exciting Eric=tired but otherwise good! posted
by Unknown @ 12:13:00 AM Nov 27, 2005 kids these days part II 2 conversations from over the weekend, this time at my Dad's side of the family" (Me and four cousins standing in a circle, three of whom are wearing hooded sweatshirts) . . . Audra (age 13): What's up with all the hoodies?? (looks at my shirt) You shuld be wearing a hoodie. Me: Only hippies wear hoodies. Audra: What's a hippie? Me: Go ask your mom. (Audra goes to ask her mom). Andrew (age 8, hasn't quite followed the conversation) What's she doing. Me: She's going to ask what a hippie is. Andrew: (laugsh hysterically) Me: Do you know what a hippie is? Andrew: Yes. Me: What then? Andrew: It's where someone sucks on your neck . . . no wait, is is that a hickie? 2nd conversation: Me: He Andrew, why was six afraid of seven? Andrew: Because seven ate eight! posted
by Unknown @ 7:00:00 PM Nov 24, 2005 the next generation Kids these days. Don't know anything!!! Like how to play hide and seek. I'm at my mom's side of the family, watching some football, when some of my younger distant cousins start playing hide and seek. One of them comes and hides behind the chair I'm sitting in. First off, not a good hiding space, but he's like 4, so I cut hims some slack. Well, then, all of the sudden, he starts yelling for the person who is "it." Now, I don't care how old you are, that just is NOT a good strategy. Then, after he is miraculously found, he hides in the same place the next round, and yells again. And somehow, he never ends up as "it". He just keeps hiding behind my chair and yelling while I'm trying to watch the game. Kid's these days. Don't know anything. When I was a kid, I could keep the same hiding place for 5 rounds because nobody could find me. When I have a kid,I'll show him how it's done. When he's like, 1 or something, I'll start his training. I'll tell him to count to 10, and I'll go hide. He'll never find me. But in the process, he'll become a great player. posted
by Unknown @ 9:15:00 PM Nov 17, 2005 stuff they don't teach you in seminary Tonight at FOCUS I lead communion for the first time. Well, I've done communion meditaions before, but this is the first time I've lead a group where we all took the elements together. And, I learned a very valuable lesson tonight: If you are leading, make sure you tear off a small piece of bread, one that is easily chewed and swallowed. That way, you won't still be chewing when you should be transtioning to the cup. Good to know! posted
by Unknown @ 12:50:00 AM Nov 15, 2005 open letter To: Anyone who regularly rides an elevator in a building with more than 10 floors. Apparently many of you don't know how and elevator works. Some of you do, but not all. So, I have a couple of pointers for you. When you push the button to call the elevator, and the button lights up, that means that it worked. The elevator will come and get you. However, typically, in a large building like this, several others have called it as well. We will use a sample scenario to show how it works: Say you are on the ground floor and want to go up. So, you hit the button to go up. It lights up. When that happens, the elevator is called. If there is only one elevator, then it calls that one. If there are multiple elevators, then it calls the one that will get there the quickest (at least in the estimation of the machine. It does guess wrong on occasion.) Now, here is the key part: When it picks the elevator, the elevator has to finish it's current trip. For example, let's say when you call it it is on floor 23 and is going down. The person on there has hit 15, and someone on 12 has called a down elevator. After you call it, it will stop on 15, drop that person off, stop on 12, pick that person up, and lets say that person hits 2, then it will take that person to 2, and then it will come to the ground and pick you up. My point in explaining all of this is: Continuing to hit the call button will not make it go faster. At all. Once it lights up, it disregards all other calls. And, it's going to make all of it's stops. It is not programmed to take into account your percieved sense of urgency. So, hitting it more than once is superfulous. Also, if you come to the elevator and it is already lit, then you do not need to hit it as well. It will not come quicker if there are two people waiting. If it is already lit up, then the other person correctly called it, so everything is okay. Also, it is not any faster to hit both the up and the down buttons. Yes, the door may open quicker, you may get on the elevator quicker, but you will not get to your floor quicker. For example, lets say you are on 15 and want to go to 19. You hit both buttons, even though you want to go up. It stops on 15, and is going down. You get on and hit 19. The person on there has hit ground. It will still go to the ground first. So, it goes to ground. Someone gets on and hits three. It will stop at three. Then, say it stops on 7 because someone calls it. They hit 9, so it stops at 9. Then, and here is the kicker. It stops on 15 again, because YOU called it. Then it will go to 19. Here's the thing: It would have happened the exact same way if you had only called it up, EXCEPT it would not have taken the time to stop the first time. So, hitting both actually makes it take LONGER!!!!! So, this is how an elevator works. posted
by Unknown @ 12:30:00 AM Nov 11, 2005 who is billy dee williams? In response to one of my recent posts, Mel asks the question: Who is Billy Dee Williams??? How could anyone not know the answer to that. So, if she doesn't know, maybe some of the rest of you don't know either. So, I will now answer: Who is Billy Dee Williams?? A cultural ICON, that's who. Prior to the Bevis and Butthead infomercial, Mr. Williams made 3 major contributions to popular culture. His first was in the TV movie, Brian's Song. In it, he played Chicago Bears running back Gayle Sayers. Brian's song is one of the most important American movies made? Why, you may ask. Well, because it is widely accepted as the only movie ever that grown men are permitted to cry. And it is Billy Dee Williams that makes the speech, depicted in the picutre below, that made it okay for men to shed a few tears.  Years after Brian's Song, Williams auditioned for the part of Han Solo in a movie known as Star Wars. He did not get the part, however, a few years later in the sequel he was cast in his most famous role, Lando Calrissian:  However, Mr. Williams' definative work has to be his stint as the spokesman for Colt .45 malt liquor. I remember these ads being on TV, but I can barely remember them. With a little internet reseach, I have been able to recall that the premise of the ads was that drinking some Colt helps you get the ladies. It was in that seventies "Theme from Shaft" kind of style to it. And, though I can't verify it, and perhaps I made it up, but I'm pretty certain that I remember one commercial that ended with him saying, "Colt .45, cause I love all the women of the world."  So, as you can clearly see, few men have shaped popular culture like Mr. Billy Dee Williams. Take all I have told you and try to imagine him interveiwing Beavis and Butthead, and you can see how the other night was one of the great moments in my life. posted
by Unknown @ 9:36:00 PM Nov 9, 2005 another brilliant idea NOTE: This is an addition to 2 posts ago. Read it first!!!!! 11. The 10 Commandments This is a remake of the Charlton Heston classic. In it, Wilford Brimley will play Moses, and Morgan Freeman will play Pharaoh. The following dialogue will ensue: Moses: Let my people go!!!!! Pharaoh: Not on my watch. posted
by Unknown @ 6:28:00 PM the best thing i've ever seen, done, or eaten Today, as I'm sorting through the net of things I have recorded on the DVR, I found the greatest moment in television history . . . An infomercial. About the new Bevis and Butthead DVD coming out. Staring Billy Dee Williams. Yes, you read that correctly. Seriously, you have to see Billy Dee Williams interviewing Beavis and Butthead. I still have it on the DVR. posted
by Unknown @ 12:52:00 AM coming attractions Starring Morgan Freeman and Wilford Brimley . . . 1. The Arsonist This movie was inspired by the greatest scene ever in a movie . . . the part in Return Of The King where the steward of Gondor gets set on fire and runs off of a cliff. I figure, why not a whole movie with that . . . So the movie goes like this: Wilford Brimley plays the arsonist, a serial killer who sets people on fire and then they run around and stuff. Morgan Freeman plays the local fire chief. Once he find out what's going on, he says, "Not on my watch!" and then goes out and catches Wilford Brimley. 2. The Joker Wilfor Brimley plays the Joker, a janitor on a college campus that pulls a lot of pranks, such as dropping thousands of bouncey balls out off a tall building. Morgan Freeman plays a campus policeman about to retire. Once he find out what's going on, he says, "Not on my watch!" and then goes out and catches Wilford Brimley. 3. Batman Begins Sequel Wilford Brimley plays the Penguin. Morgan Freeman already has a part. 4. The Stuntman Wilford Brimley plays the Stuntman, a Hollywood Stuntman who uses his stuntman skills to go on a crime spree. Wilford Brimley plays a former FBI agent who works as a consultant on cop movies. Once he find out what's going on, he says, "Not on my watch!" and then goes out and catches Wilford Brimley. 5. Gilligan's Island Apparently, Rob Schnider wants to do a film version of "Gilligan's Island" in which he plays Gilligan. Of course, as Tommy, Ed, and I were discussing this, we all agreed that it was a bad idea. However, I suggested that it may be salvagable if Wilford Brimley were cast as The Skipper. Of course, then you cast Morgan Freeman as The Professor. That would rule. But, then we realized that Bernie Mac would be cast as Mr. Howell and Jessica Simpson would be cast as Ginger, so we got really upset again. But, then we can up with this plot . . . Morgan Freeman realizes who else is in the cast and says, "Not on my watch" and then him and Wilford Brimley start pelting everyone else with coconuts for the entire movie. That would rule!!! 6. Wilford Brimley Shoots Tom Cruise. The Firm is one of the 10 best movies ever. Why? Because there is a scene where Wilford Brimley chases Tom Cruise around with a gun. It would have been the best movie ever, but Wilford doesn't catch Tom. So, this movie has a similar premise, except the entire movie is Wilford Brimley chasing Tom Cruise with a gun. This time he catches him. And Morgan Freemand doesn't do anything. 7. Over The Top II A sequel to the classic arm wrestling movies, except the competitors are Wilford Brimley and Morgan Freeman. Wilford Brimley gives a long speech about how he is going to win the title, and Morgan Freeman replies, "Not on my watch." 8. Smokey and the Bandit Wiford Brimley as the Bandit, Morgan Freeman as Smokey. The Bandit does his usual thing, as Smokey exlaims, "Not on my watch." 9. Mr. Freeman goes to Washington Morgan Freeman gets appointed as the junior senator from Wyoming. Once in Washington, he learns that the senior senator, played by Wilford Brimley, is involved in a savings and loan scandal and says, "Not on my watch." 10. You've Got Mail II Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan team up to remake this heartwarming tale, only this time Morgan Freeman says, "Not on my watch," as he and Wilford Brimley shut down the internet! This is so going to rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posted
by Unknown @ 12:28:00 AM Nov 6, 2005 i should work in hollywood I think there needs to be a series of movies where Wilford Brimley is the villan and Morgan Freeman is the good guy. Seriously, who would be against this. posted
by Unknown @ 12:50:00 AM in the name of anger I've seen several people do some disturbing things while angry lately. And, since I've been meditating on the Book of Numbers lately, I thought I would post about anger. Numbers, in my opinion, and my opinion is often right, has one of the best stories about how anger can affect us. It is the story of Balaam. If you aren't familiar with Balaam, here is a quick rundown. The Israelites were on their way from Egypt to the promised land. They were about to have a big fight with a particular city. The king of this city was a bit worried about the situation, so he sent a prophet, Balaam, to put curses on the Israelites. Well, God wasn't too thrilled about this, so he sent an angel to stand in the middle of the road to kill Balaam. Now, Balaam couldn't see the angel, but the donkey he was riding could. So, the donkey sat down and wouldn't budge. So, Balaam got really angry at the donkey and started beating him. Well, apparently the donkey had had enough, so he asked Balaam, "Why are you beating me." Which brings me to the interesting part. Balaam, who was so lost in his anger, did not think it was strange at all that his donkey just talked to him. He simply spoke back to the donkey, "Because you have made a fool of me. If I had a sword I would kill you." Which was ironic, because a. He was making himself look like a fool and b. there was a sword there, but it wasn't there to kill the donkey. Anyway, at that moment, the angel showed himself to Balaam, and then explained all that was going on. I wonder what it was like when the angel left and it was just Balaam and the donkey. Think about it, the donkey was right and Balaam was wrong. So, Balaam had to humble himself to a donkey. He didn't just make an ass of himself in this situation, he was even lower than the ass. It's really scary to see what anger does to people. People's entire characters change in just a flash. They say stuff the don't mean and do stuff they would never do. Then emotions die down and all that is left is regret. Unless pride doesn't allow for that, then grudges come along and consume us. In the end we just end up looking like some guy beating his donkey for no reason. Oh, and the whole story of Balaam is in Numbers 22 and 23. Read it. posted
by Unknown @ 12:22:00 AM new nickname The guys on the street asking me for change have taken to calling me "Big Guy." Yes, all of them. posted
by Unknown @ 12:18:00 AM the most accutate online quiz ever
This is truely amazing. I wonder how the author of the quiz knew about the red's game thing?? posted
by Unknown @ 12:00:00 AM Nov 4, 2005 imagine what I could do with fully pretentious banter
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by Unknown @ 9:23:00 AM Nov 2, 2005 quote of day From Sealab 2021--some whale talking to some fish . . . "The say that the average fish today has more mercury in it than a rectal thermometer . . . would YOU eat a rectal thermometer??" posted
by Unknown @ 1:36:00 AM |
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