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Dec 30, 2004
the home stretch
65 more minutes left on this job. Then I'm unemployed. And moving. The apartment thing is working out pretty well. Except for 2 things: 1. Nobody wants to share a room. But 2 guys are going to have to. 2. All we have is bedroom furniture. No couches, no kitched table, nothing. Anyway, to resolve the first one, I think we are having a death match. I should fare well, cause I think I may be the biggest guy. But, I'm also the oldest, and losing my touch. Still, I'm invicible with a candle stick. As for number 2, well, we need your help. Please give us a couch. Or a kitchen table. Please. I'll cook you dinner on my gas grill!!!!!! posted
by Unknown @ 4:54:00 PM Dec 28, 2004 Top 10 Moments from College Everyone else is doing a Christmas rap-up. Since that is quite cliche, I figured I would go with this one I've been trying to come up with for a while, so, here it is, my Top 10 Moments from college. (Occurring from August of 1994 until May of 1999). NOTE: Sorry about all of the inside jokes, but hopefully, this will be funny for all. Honorable Mention: "Every College Student Needs A Thing", the naming of Sugar Honey, the naming of Peg, Nick is a dork, sitting at the bus stop and parking space with Brack, sleding down the stairs on a cardboard box with Brack, sliding in the mud outside of CSF, secret day, naming of Big B, Nick's stories about his dog "Franchie (sp?), Daytona, Key West, Auburn, the Wonder Car, The Pink Panther, Bill's truck, Woody Rees, JG, Schemer's Anonymous, Bert getting flagged in flag football, Mark The Shark, Charlie, That's not the remote, Bill B almost running out of gas on the way back from Jellico, Robert Mastin running out of gas on the way home, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, Chanceny sneaking out for a smoke, Freddie and Liz's "date", "She's just a friend", "You know the answer to that", Sugar Honey peeing outside of South Hall, WHAT!!??!, "St. PEEEETER!!!!", Stefan, Jeremiah K., Red and Yellow, Ronnie, The Big Whacker, Roll starting Roberts car when his battery was dead, Robert triple jumping Normal Drive, Robert trying to jump the sign at CSF, Ice Cream on a bun, Captain Obvious, sliding in the mud at Creason Field, free subs, Shanty Hollow, snipe hunting, Planet Hollywood in Orlando, Phil, Blue Team, Larry Mayhew, Chanceny's smoke breaks, Jeremy Taylor . . . The Top 10: 10. Apartment Wars!! This one started in the summer of 1998. Chanceny was in town right before school started. Chanceny, Nick, and I were hanging out with Brack while he was in for his dinner break. He left for work, and just left us in his apartment (which was no biggie, since we lived down the hall and had a key to his apartment anway.) Well, the wheels began turning, so we: Set up Brack's videos so that when he opened his door, they would all fall down like dominoes. Then, we went to work in the hallway leading to his apartment, changing the lightbulb with a red light, making a tape outline of Nick holding a gun (ala a chalk outline at a crime scene), and we took some of Bracks Caution tape and sealed off the halway. So, this led to a minor prank war that lasted throughout the year. Since we had keys to each other's place, this was quite easy. However, the big revenge didn't come until February, when Nick and I came home and found that: a. Our kitchen furniture had been moved to the living room, b. our bedroom furniture had been moved to the kitchen, and c. the living room furniture had been moved to the bedroom. 9. Semester long water fight. This thing went on for months in the spring semester or 1999. It started off after I had gotten a package of 3 water guns for 99 cents at Wal-mart for a lesson I was doing at CSF (this was during my intern year). Well, a small water fight broke out, just using these cheap guns. Soon, cups of water got involved. Later, Super Soakers came into the mix. By April, it was all out war as coolers, recycle bins, trash cans, and water hoses all become prominently involved. 8. Career Advice From Lady Marmalade Really, Lady Marmalade alone would have cracked the top 10. Lady Marmalade's real name was Rufus. He was the 3rd shift manager at Denny's. He was a huge black guy, probablly around 6'0, 400+ pounds. Rumor had it that he was a cross-dresser, and performed in Nashville under the stage name 'Lady Marmalade.' Little about his demenor at Denny's caused me to question any of this. Anyway, one night, a large group of us are dining after a WKU football game. Rufus comes and asks us if everything is okay, when Eran says no, she is going to quit her job. So, Rufus sits down and tells her that everything is going to be okay and she should stick it out. A very surreal moment. 7. Merry Freakin Christmas, Part I This happened on the Spring Break Trip to Daytona, March, 1996. First of all, you need to know that this was mid-week, and everyone was tired an cranky. And tired of each other. There were about 15 of us on this trip, all in very cramped living quaters. Secondly, you need to realize that Fred did in fact hype up CB4 as a great movie, only to have all of us disappointed. With all of this in mind . . . We were staying at Chanceny's grandmother's vacation home in Ocala, FLA. Given that this place was only used a few times a year,that meant there was no cable. But there was a VCR, meaning that there were several trips to Blockbuster. Well, one evening, Fred, Nick, and Brack made a Blockbuster run, and came back with "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka." It sounded like a movie that was going to suck, so we started teasing Fred, "Oh great. Way to Go Fred. Another CB4." To which, Fred replied with a tirade, "If you don't want to watch the $(*#* movie, DON'T WATCH THE %#$% MOVIE!!!!" yelled for about half a minute, took a deep breath, and then calmly finished with "Merry Freakin Christmas!" 6. Merry Freakin Christmas, Part II This happened the following November. Another bit of background: The funniest thing about either of these incidents is that Fred is typically a very calm, easygoing guy who typically uses humor to deal with his anger. Anyway, It was mid-November, 1996. I'm sitting up in my apartment, watching some TV, when Fred and Cliff Allen drop by. Cliff was a good guy, but he was a bit of an attention-seeker. Anyway, Cliff wound up with a couple of tickets to a play put on by the WKU drama department, and had invited Fred, a theater minor, to come along. So, they are killing some time at my place (Fred lived just down the hall). I don't remember what we were talking about, by Fred and I ended up teasing Cliff about something. Cliff gets a bit upset, and mumbles, "You know Fred, I got that ticket for you, I'd think you'd be a little more appreciative." "APPRECIATIVE?????? APPRECIATIVE????? I drive your #$@ all over this #(@! town and you want to talk about APPRECIATIVE!!!!!! You can go to the #%@! play all by your self!!!!!" And then he closed with a "MERRY FREAKIN CHRISTMAS!!!" So, Cliff went to the play alone. And then dropped by with a card appologizing to Fred. This one was even sweeter than the first one, because I wasn't one of the ones he was yelling at. 5. Bill Bailey and the Piano Bench. In May of 1996, CSF took a mission trip to Mexico to do some work with an orphanage. Because of the language barrier, we created a clown team that did some skits for the children, as well as making balloon animals. Well, the clown team kept going after the mission trip, doing various children's events around Bowling Green. But, my favorite clown team memory was during the Christmas service in 1996, when the clowns did a skit for us. Bobo, played by Bill Bailey, was always a crowd favorite. Anyway, the skit was about being busy, and it had the clowns participating in 4 activities, one being work, 2 I don't remember, and the other one had them being a choir around the keyboard. Anyway, they would go from station to station, and would gradually move faster and faster to each station, spending less time at it. Anyway, as the skit got to its most rapid point, the clown ran to the piano for that scene. Well, I'm not sure how they did the rotation, but for whatever reason, it was Bobo's turn on the piano bench. So, even though there isn't much room, Bobo is at a full run at this point. So he goes, plops onto the piano bench, and it collapses into 3 pieces. Of course, Bill, being the professional he is, pops right up, plays the piano from his knees, and keeps the skit alive. 4. Just Married Thursday night, finals week, Fall 1995. I've just spent and entire day working on a Poly Sci project. And, it's "done." By "done" I mean that I should really spend a lot more time on it, but it's the correct number of pages, I don't feel like working on it any more, so it's "done!" And since it's done, I'm done as well. And, I have 2 buddies who are also "done." And one is leaving after that semester. So, we are hanging out. We decided, to blow off some steam, that we are gonna decorate a couple of friends cars. So Me, RB Herron, and David Mushrush take a trip to Wal-Mart. On the shopping list: silly string, shaving cream, TP, and of course, a 24 pack of Mt. Dew. Now, we get the Mt. Dew to use the cans to tie to the rear bumper. So, the geniuses we are, we start trying to chug 24 cans of Mt Dew (maybe it was actually a 12 pack). Now, this is warm Mt. Dew, not refrigerated. If you've ever tried to chug a warm Mt. Dew, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, don't. It's horrible. I think we knocked out about 5 cans between us. So anyway, we are off to the cars. First up: Sarah Marx. Sarah was parked at the CSF house. So, pretty safe decorating there. Of course, we use the obligitory "Just Married" motif. Good times. Then, it's off to the second car, Tammy McConnell. Now Tamy was parked in the parking structure on campus. Not as safe. Anyway, as we are about to wrap it up, along comes a WKU campus policeman. This led to the following exchange: WKUPD: Is someone getting married?? David: Our friend. WKUPD: Tonight? (Keep in mind its somewhere between 11:30 and 1:00am). David: No, tomorrow. WKUPD: Why are you decorating it now?? David: Because, we are going home for break, so we are going to miss the wedding. So, the campus policeman drove off. It's nice to know how well our property was protected there at WKU. 3. Bill Bailey and Disc Golf Late April, 1995 Allen Best, Bill Bailey, and I finally decided, late in my freshman year, to try out the disc golf course that was on campus. So, we went, rented some discs, and headed off to play. After a first hole without much incident, we went to tee off on the second hole. Well, the "tee" area was on a bit of a hill. So, when Bill went to "tee off," he lost his footing and tumbled down the hill. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. And, it seemed innocent enough. We went on to finish that hole and 16 more. But, it turns out that Bill's knee was seriously hurt on that play. And yes, I'm talking about frisbee golf. We are talking surgury, crutches, the whole 9 yards. Yes, disc golf. 2. The Blocked Punt: October, 1998. Womens intramural football. CSF vs The Restless Raccoons (which was BSU's team.) It really was the worst flag football team ever. I started out as the coach, but these girls wouldn't listen to a word I said (a few did, but very few). Plus, I was coaching the men's team as well, so, I decided to let Regan take over the women's team. They didn't listen to him either, but I think he enjoyed it more than I am. However, Regan was very competitive, so his reaction to some of the "plays" that we made (or didn't make) were priceless. As was often the case, we found ourselves having to punt from our own 10 yard line. Our center, Melissa, was also our punter. She was a decent kicker, though not totally consistent. So, our quarterback, Eran, went and snapped on punts. So, Eran snaps it. Now, in flag football, there is no rush on kicks. Everyone but the kicker is supposed to remain still on the kick. If the ball hits the ground, it's dead. So, after her snap, Eran takes a step to the right, drops to a 3 point stance, and awaits the kick. So Melissa drops it, kicks it . . . And POW!!!!! Line drive, hits Eran right on the butt. Now the reactions were mixed. Everyone on the CSF team, and the sideline is laying on the ground laughing. The officials, after blowing the play dead, are laughing, but not real hard. The poor BSU girls don't really know how to react, because this is the funniest thing they've seen all year, but being a Christian team, they want to be good sports. So they just kinda stand there with a confused look on their face. But Regan's reaction was priceless. He just kept standing there, arms crossed with a scowel on his face. And now, for the number 1 moment in my college career: Lunch Delivery. Fall of 1997. Michael Small had just transferred to WKU. He and Dawn started coming to CSF right off the bat. And somehow, Michael and I ended up in 3 classes together, all back to back to back on Monday/Wednesday/Fridays. Anyway, in between Greek and Genesis class, Dawn is hanging out with Michael. Michael tells her to get him something for lunch at Subway (it's between 12:45 and 1:00, with class ending at 2:00). So Dawn leaves, and class starts. Well, about 1:15, the door opens, and its Dawn. She walks in with a Subway bag and a drink, walks over and sets it on Michael's desk, and starts to walk away. Michael replies, "I didn't mean right now." And she's out. The whole class just sits thier with a stunned look on their face. Most professors would have gone off at this point, but Dr. Veenker is probablly about 1 out of about 6 at WKU that wouldn't. I can't remember if he just sat there with a stunned look on his face like the rest of us, or if he made some type of wisecrack. Anyway, to make it even better, at about 1:30, Michael gets up and leaves, presumably to go to the restroom. While he was gone, we had a class discussion over whether or not to take his lunch or not. posted
by Unknown @ 5:20:00 PM Dec 23, 2004 Holiday Greeting In the words of my good friend Fred Smith, "Merry Freakin Christmas!" posted
by Unknown @ 4:10:00 PM Dec 20, 2004 patrick sparks is my hero Only 51 hours, 48 more minutes of sitting behind this desk. The 2nd Annual Cousin's Banquet was much more eventful than you might figure a trip to Denny's would be. Attendance was down this year, with only Jeremy, Aaron, and myself in attendence (I have 11 total 1st cousins). Anyway, after stops at Target and Wal-Mart, we arrived at the "new" Denny's in Owensboro, KY. So, we take our seats, place our orders and all that. Well, the waiter was a little, ummmmmm, offbeat. The busgirl comes and refills Jeremy's drink, and is about to get Aaron a refill when the waiter comes with his drink. The waiter and busgirl take a few playful jabs at each other, and the the busgirl leaves. The waiter then says something about how the busgirl didn't know us, but if she did she would be dancing on the table or something like that. After me and the Horsley boys exchanged perplexed glances, the waiter said that he would go work on that. Assuming he was kidding, I jokingly added, "Tell he we are good tippers." So anyway, he goes and talks to the busgirl, and after a while she comes over and mentions that the waiter had told her that we wanted a table dance. Jeremy replied that that was something that the waiter had come up with. She paused for a second, then said "oh" as she started vacuuming again. I think she was disappointed. So was I, to be honest. Seriously, that would have topped "getting career advice from 'Lady Marmalade'" and "Scooby Doobie Doo, I need a Doobie," as my top moment ever at a Denny's. Come to think of it, trips to Denny's are always weird. Last time I went, I thought the waitress hated me and she thought I hated her. And now, we are getting offers for table dancers. Anyway, I think the waiter thought we were cool and wanted to be liked by us, because a. He tried to pimp out the busgirl for a table dance, and b. He gaves us our drinks for free. Plus, he kept trying to act cool around us. At one point, I ended up giving him college/career advice. It's interesting how these things come full circle (I'll explain the whole Lady Marmalade thing in a later post.) Anyway, Saturday was cool. Christmas dinner . . . a new pair of shoes and 40 bucks were my loot from the "Most Chaotic Christmas Gift Exchange 2004 Edition." Then, I spent most of the evening playing with my 4 year old cousin Maddie's gift, A keyboard/microphone combo, and my 7 year old cousin Andrew's gift, a Sponge Bob video game. And yes, I am 28 years old. But, the best part of the day occured at around 2:00 EST. Patrick Sparks walked to the free throw line and nailed 3 foul shots. The Result: Kentucky 60, Louisville 58 It was a great weekend indeed!!! posted
by Unknown @ 1:12:00 PM Dec 17, 2004 wrapping up Sorry about the last post. It's a long story. Only 56 hours, 50 minutes that I have to sit behind this desk. Anyway, the weekend is a a big one. Going to Grandma's for Christmas. Should be good to see all the relatives. And by all, I mean about 20,000 or so, all crammed into a tiny house. Anyway, tonight will be the 2nd annual cousin's banquet at Denny's. I just now came up with that name. Anyway, it's a tradition that dates back to last year, when the Horsley boy's (my cousins Jeremy, Aaron, and Bryan) and I treked to Owensboro to see Return of the King. Well, it turns out that Return of the King was sold out, and we didn't want to watch anything else that was on, so we ended up at Denny's. So, Jeremy inquired as to whether or not I would like to make a return trip this year, and since I am always up for a meal at Denny's, I replied in the afirmative. Maybe some more cousins will come along this year. Then tomorrow, it's Christmas dinner and Christmas presents. Imagine the most chaotic gift exchange imaginable. Well, that's what will take place tomorrow. But, the most important part of the weekend: Kentucky v.s. Louisville For the record, I think that's the first time I've ever toggled a font size in a post, so you know this is important. Normally, I would never ever say something like this, and normally I would even make fun of someone saying it, but this year, it's just how I feel: I don't care if Kentucky wins another game all season long as long as they beat Louisville this year. There I said it. Please, mock me mercilessly. posted
by Unknown @ 5:10:00 PM Dec 16, 2004 words of wisdom If you want to be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty woman your wife So from my personal point of view Get and ugly girl to marry you. --Jimmy Soul posted
by Unknown @ 5:37:00 PM Dec 15, 2004 water skis Did I just write a post about a fruit basket???? This blog has officially jumped the shark. posted
by Unknown @ 5:26:00 PM a blank slate As you might have noticed based on a week of Boy Meets World and Cincinnati Hotplate posts, I haven't had a lot to write about these past couple of weeks (okay, actually I did have a pretty cool weekend). Anyway, I still don't have much to write about, but today our unit got a fruit basket from a provider. And, along with the all of the edible items, they sent us each a planner. Not only does this planner have a calander (which starts this Monday, meaning that we don't have to wait til the end of the year to start using it), but it has phone numbers and email addresses for couriers, airlines, car rental companies, and hotels. It also has an interstate map, a table of weights and mesures, car service record, and other features. But the best part . . . it has an inspirational quote on every page. So, I thought I would share some of them with you: "Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." --Steven Wright "Expirence is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes."--Oscar Wilde "Every flower must grow through dirt."--Anonymous "Imagination is the highest kite one can fly."--Lauren Bacall "Be like a postage stamp; stick to one thing until you get there." Josh Billings "It's never to late to be what you might have been."--George Elliot "He who limps is still walking."--Stanisaw J Lec "Silent and Listen are spelled with the same letters."--Unknown "Problems can not be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."--Al Einstein And that is just a sample. Hope you were inspired. posted
by Unknown @ 5:07:00 PM Dec 14, 2004 shopping help Here it is folks, the #1 gift of this Christmas Season. posted
by Unknown @ 10:37:00 AM Dec 9, 2004 Cincinnati Hotplate So, I still haven't figured out what "Cincinnati Hotplate" is. But, apparently I'm not alone. The 2 commenters I got about that reference got me wondering, so I checked, and it turns out that I have over 50 people who have come to my site via a google search. I was one of only 2 sites that came up on Google when you searched for the exact phrase "Cincinnati Hotplate." Anyway, I searched this morning, and now my site isn't listed. So, if you think that the reason I'm posting this is to get my site re-listed on Google, well, you're right. But, I also find it interesting that I've gotten so much traffic over that. And, like many others, I'm even more curious now. I've consulted 2 of my "pop culture encyclopedias" (Brack and Fred). And one has no idea. This may be the most obsucre reference ever. But, I will not rest until I find it!!!!!! And yes, it's been a slow week for me. I need a life. posted
by Unknown @ 1:17:00 PM Dec 6, 2004 boy meets world II There was also this episode where Corey kept complaining about his apartment being too cold. So, finally his heat kicked on and the temprature when up to 72 degrees, so he then started complaining about his apartment being too hot. So then, Mr. Feeny, his landlord, came and fixed the thermostat. And gave him a good valuable life lesson. posted
by Unknown @ 4:45:00 PM boy meets world Does anyone remember the episode of "Boy Meets World" where Corey's sister totaled her car and so she had to start driving her parents car, while thier mom had to drive Corey's old car in which Corey's dad replaced the battery. Corey go so mad he threatened to kill his sister's dog. Of course, Mr. Feeney fixed everything in the end. He always did. That was a classic episode. Okay, so only about 6 people will get that. And out of those six, only about 3 will have read it. But, if you hit my links, you might be able to piece it together. Speaking of inside jokes, does anyone know what "Cincinnati Hotplate" is? posted
by Unknown @ 3:30:00 PM Dec 3, 2004 stolen from juliet's blog Anyway, Juliet has a really funny "interactive" post. So, I stole it. We need to get this all the way to z., so I am posting it here without any interuptions. So, give your ideas. WASHINGTON (AP) - Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, whose name became synonymous with color-coded terror alerts and tutorials about how to prepare for possible attack, resigned Tuesday, saying... possible suggestions: a. "I thought I would go into the peace corps for a while." b. "This color coding thing really isn't my bag, baby." c. "I ran out of duct tape." d. "I ran out of plastic." e. "I ran out of both duct tape and plastic." f. "I have stockpiled both duct tape and plastic and am moving to Canada." g. "This job is interferring with my TV and internet time." h. "I thought this job was gonna get me lots of chicks . . ." i. "The Donald just called and wants me to be a contestant on 'The Apprentice III.'" j. " . . . and you know what the worst part is?? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!" k. "The whole 'Ron Artest" thing has me all upset." l. "Me, Colin Powell, and all of the other cabinet members that are stepping down are going to start our own rogue cabinet." m. I really am color blind, so all those color alerts looked the same to me posted
by Unknown @ 5:31:00 PM Dec 2, 2004 the special announcement Today I just gave my supervisor notice that I am leaving at the end up the month. To go back to school. In Cincinnati. Several reasons factored in: 1. After 13 months, I am still a temp. I'm not bitter or anything. Nobody ever promised me permanent employment. Still though, it's time to move on. 2. An M.Div has always been my goal. But, it is a 90 hour degree, and was just gonna take forever. So, I settled for an M.Min, only 60 hours, planning to then get a ministry and finish the remaining 30 hours. But, some of that hasn't quite worked out to this point. And, to make it worse, I only have 4.5 years to finish. Which seems like a lot of time. But, going part time, not so much. So, given my current place in life, why not take a full load this spring and knock out a third of those hours. 3. I quit going to church about a month ago. Lots of reasons here. But, it boils down to this: I don't like the churches here in Frankfort. So, I'm not going. But, that looks bad on a ministry resume. So, I need to go to church somewhere. And, I have a great church in cincy, I I figure I'll go back. 4. I miss everyone up there. And I have no social life here. And, there are other factor involved. It was a complicated decision. It was tough. But I'm excited. So, pray for me. Pray that my housing situation works out, that I can find a job and all of that stuff. posted
by Unknown @ 10:04:00 AM |
