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Feb 10, 2005
emo alert Normally I try and avoid the emo. But, tonight, that's just where I am. This week has been a wild one. I started it at the point of physcial exhaustion, due to the heavy lifting I did moving my dad's stuff this weekend. That went right into Monday, which is my long day. Beyond my physical tiredness, I've been involved in some amazing discussions over this week. Due to them, there is so much on my mind. I couldn't even begin to blog all that is inside of me right now. Some are just really cool philosophical things, and then there are some things that just hurt me to my core. Tonight I came to a disturbing realization. Really, it's something that's been going on for a while, but tonight it just stared me straight in the eye: I don't know how to pray anymore. I don't mean that metaphoricaly. I mean that literally. I don't know how to pray anymore. It's really a tough thing to explain. It comes out of so many areas. But, in the end, everything I try to say just sounds so empty. I'm not having a crisis of faith. I don't think that God is not there or anything like that. I just don't know how to pray. And tonight is one of those nights where I need to pray the most. But I can't. Luckily, I have one of the most powerful ways of expression: music. If I wasn't a musician, there, quite honestly are many situations that I never would have gotten out of. There is just something amazing about music that can express things that I feel that I don't know how to express myself. Sometimes the lyrics of a song work, as it kind of did tonight. In other cases, its just something in the melody and harmony that just really says what I want to say. I really wish I could express more here all that's on my mind. But, much of it I just can't seem to verbalize yet. God is good. Even if I don't know what to say to Him. posted
by Unknown @ 10:57:00 PM |
